


the end.

by y0urfr13ndlygallawhore



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Depressed Dean Winchester, Hopeless Dean Winchester, M/M, Sad Dean Winchester, Season/Series 15, Starvation, The Empty (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26693866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y0urfr13ndlygallawhore/pseuds/y0urfr13ndlygallawhore
Summary: Dean loses Cas to The Empty and doesn't take it well.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	the end.

**Author's Note:**

> hi i hope you like this. i am so sorry for any grammatical mistakes. also I want to add that Dean goes through a period where he is starving himself and goes through a depression like period. If that is a trigger for you please don't read. Also remember you are loved and you will make it through and hard period you are going through.

Hes gone. He's really gone. Dean can't take it.

Everyone had found out about Cas's empty deal a while ago maybe 4 months. Dean understandably was furious with Cas. Though once Castiel had explained his reasoning Dean had calmed down. Dean knew more than anyone that true happiness was almost impossible with a hunter's life style. He knew that when you thought you were happy there was at least one thing in the back of your mind that would stop you from experiencing full pleasure. He knew that with a hunter's life style you also couldn't let yourself experience full pleasure because sure enough someone would take it from you. 

But Cas was fucking stupid. He was so fucking stupid. He allowed himself happiness and then he was taken away. Dean had been there when it happened. He could recall the night in perfect detail. They had all been sitting down for Thanksgiving and they were sitting and laughing having a grand old time and then Cas laughed for the last time. He was then wrapped in darkness and he disappeared while all Dean could do was cry out begging for it to stop. Maybe Dean was to blame. Maybe Dean should blame himself for letting this happen. For not doing more to stop instead of stand there hopelessly screaming at pitch blackness taking Cas away from him.

Dean retreated to his room letting his bed take him into a hug he thought he would lose if he ever got up. He was comfortable there. Outside of his room there were people but not the one he wanted. Outside of his room he would have to face everything that happened. It was easier to just ignore the problems and stay in his bed where nothing could hurt him. Once again he was wrong. Dean could hurt himself. Being left alone with his self loathing thoughts turned out to be dangerous and the longer he let them fester the longer he stayed in bed willing them to go away. 

Sam or Jack would knock on his door every once in awhile just to make sure that he was still breathing and hadn't done anything stupid like sacrifice himself to get Cas back. Whenever they do they always take out the last meal that they gave him and replace it with something new. All Dean wanted was to get shit face drunk and yell at everyone and everything about how the universe took away his Cas, but he couldn't get out of bed to do so. He just stared at the wall praying that someone would bring Castiel home. It took Sam forcing food down his throat for him to eat again. It hurt but he knew it was what he needed, he just couldn't bring himself to do it on his own. It was helping him physically but then all Dean could think about was being a burden on the rest of them. Whenever Sam had shoved the bite of food and the sip of water that he needed down his gullet he would turn over to the other side of the bed and try to go to sleep.

Sam had never seen Dean like this before. Dean had never been this upset about anything or any other time they had lost someone. He knew that Dean was blaming himself because no matter what tragedy would occur that is just something Dean always did but this was a new low of self deprecation. He knew his brother was in love with Cas. He would have to be blind not to notice the love that they share. Between the not so subtle eye fucking and the constant worrying about each others health and safety, he had put the pieces together a while ago. Sam knew his brother was too much of a pussy to do anything about it though, out of fear of rejection or maybe some internalized homophobia. Maybe it was from John maybe it was from Dean himself all Sam knew is that something was keeping Dean from asking out the angel who was so clearly in love with him as well. 

It frightened Sam to see Dean not be able to eat anything. Only getting out of bed to go to the bathroom and then padding back into his room to fall back asleep. Dean was getting dangerously thin from not eating anything except for the bite of a sandwich Sam would force him to eat every couple of days. He doesn't know how Dean will ever pull himself back from this. He has faith because he has to, he just hopes Dean gets better soon because he doesn't think he can do this on his own. 

It's weeks before they see Dean out of his room for more that 5 minutes at a time. He had been on a linear progression from that first week though. Eating more and drinking the entire glass of water that gets brought to him, but this is the first time that he has come out his room for more than the bathroom. He comes to the kitchen eyes red rimmed and bloodshot, his cheeks crusted over with tears, and eye bags from the lack of sleep and just exhaustion. Dean hobbles in sore from staying in his bed all that time. Sam tries not to bring too much attention to it fearing that he might scare Dean away and the last thing he wants is for Dean to go back to where he was. 

Dean opens the fridge and pulls himself out a beer and sits across the table from Sam looking like he might pass out from all the mental strength this is taking for him. Sam gives him an empathetic look as though to tell him that he understands how much this is hurting Dean and how strong he is for this. Jack walks into the kitchen rubbing his eyes when he sees Dean sitting at the table and much like Sam doesn't mention it out of fear. Dean opens the bottle and starts drinking. 

A new problem arises, once Dean starts drinking he can't stop. Sam thinks he goes on about 8 beer runs a week just to make sure that he can get one after Dean finishes off 7 before flopping into bed at around 4 am. The problem with this, other than the fact that he might drink himself into oblivion, is that Dean is an angry drunk much like their father. If Dean is at the stage where he is buzzed but not drunk he can be a very fun guy but once was was passed that stage Dean was always angry. 

One night after Dean had about 6 beers he angrily stomped to the kitchen to get another one. In fear that he would do harm to himself Sam followed. He heard a crash and then angry hits followed by incoherent yelling. Sam peered into the kitchen and saw Dean hitting the fridge slurring furious words which Sam could only assume was about the fact that Dean had finished off the only beer they had left in the fridge. He kept hitting the fridge and then walked over to the cupboards to see if someone had put some in there. Of course they hadn't no once in their right mind likes warm beer. As Dean opened cupboard after cupboard finding them lacking beer he began throwing everything around. He gave up after 2 minutes and sat on the bench and fell asleep. Sam grabbed the car keys and made another run to get more beer after he witnessed the scene glad that he had seen so he knew never to leave the house without beer again. 

Months after Cas had been taken from them Dean was better. He went back to drinking his normal amount and was spending more and more time with Sam and Jack. He seemed to be better though Sam knew better and could tell that every fiber of Dean's body wanted him to collapse and never move again.

They had gotten Dean to a point where he was joking again and laughing at things that happened. He wasn't too angry any more he wasn't spending every waking moment wondering when he could just go to bed and forget the day. Today something particularly funny happened when Dean was in the store. That's right Dean was going outside again. Sam couldn't be more proud of him.

"Ok so he was walking in front me and his kid threw their yogurt in front and he didn't notice. He wasn't looking at where he was going and then he walks in it, slips, and launches his phone like 40 feet in the air falling flat on his back. It was hilarious." Dean said cackling as if he was there again. Sam and Jack joining it because they could imagine it happening in front of them and it was pretty funny. 

All of a sudden they hear the door being opened. Thinking it was an intruder they grabbed their guns and headed to the front. None of them had really been on a hunt in a while so they were a little out of practice but they stealthily made their way to the front of the bunker guns pointed out in front of them.

Not a single one of them expected Cas to be standing in front of them in a hoodie and sweat pants looking just as tired as Dean had not 3 weeks ago. He looked so human. They all stood frozen staring at Cas in front of them hoping that he was really there and not a figment of their imagination. Sam and Jack ran into his arms. He relished in their hugs a large smile forming as he felt their touch after what felt like years. Dean had still not moved. Sam, Jack , and Cas wiped the tears from their eyes as they pulled away. Everyone looked over at Dean who looked like he was going to pass out at any moment. 

Cas walked towards him and pulled him into a hug. Dean collapsed into him softly crying into his arms. It felt private so Sam and Jack quietly slipped out of the room. They both stood there sobbing into each others arms never wanting to let go. It still didn't feel real it felt like Dean was in another one of his dreams where Cas was given back to him only to be cruelly taken back away. 

Cas was the first to pull away putting his hands on either side of Deans face. Dean was still crying and he didn't know how to stop. "It's okay Dean. I'm here it's really me. I'm back." Dean didn't know how to respond so all he did was pull Cas into a meaningful kiss. It is soft and rough at the same time. It was both men saying I love you in all the ways they didn't know how while simultaneously trying to pull each other impossibly closer to show their desire and lust for each other.

"Never leave men again. Cas please I can't take you being away from me. Ever." Dean chokes out. Cas rubs the side of Dean's face.

"Nothing will ever take me away from you ever again Dean Winchester. Heaven doesn't need me anymore I am human. We can spend the rest of our 73 years of life with each other." Castiel responds. He pulls Dean back in for another kiss hoping that all that needs to be said can be in that one kiss. That Castiel and Dean are in it for the long haul and nothing will ever take them away from each other ever again.


End file.
